One Shining Moment
by ofnightingales
Summary: The Winchesters once again give it all for the sake of the world. Only this time, there's no going back and Castiel isn't quite sure what he's supposed to do now. Or: In which I shamelessly write a Doctor Who quote into a SPN fic for no apparent reason.


"If you do this, your mind and memories won't be able to handle the power."

"I know," Dean says simply, infuriatingly. "But what other choice do we have?"

"Dean, I'd have to— You won't be yourself anymore. Your minds will be wiped clean and while the brain can do a certain amount to fill in the blanks, to maintain some basic functions— You and Sam will be— You can't ask me to accept this."

"Yeah, but we'll be innocent. Innocent," Dean laughs at the last word. "Imagine that, Cas. Me and Sammy innocent again."

"You fought so hard against being vessels, all these years—"

"I know I did," Dean nods. "This is different."

"How!" Castiel would give anything, do anything— "Dean, tell me. How is this different, how is this worth—?"

_"So uh, there might be a spell," Sam said._

_"Great, let's go with—" Dean stopped. "What are you looking at me like that for?"_

_"It needs a vessel. It's not sentient, it just needs something to use as a focal point. Two, actually. And they need to be angelic vessels and they need to be strong enough to house it… Archangel vessels."_

_"So us, huh? What's the catch?"_

_"This kind of horsepower?" Sam stared at the book. "It'd burn through our mind. Mostly our memories. There's a chance part of us would be okay, but our memories... gone. Nothing left."_

"It's the world at stake, Cas," Dean says. And Castiel hates him and his stupid heroics. Hates him for being selfless, for giving everything up time and time again and never once asking for anything back. Hates Dean for not saving himself.

_"But this thing… It'd summon a power strong enough?"_

_"Yeah. Any demon invasion should be a piece of cake for it."_

_"Well if it's this or a demonic world war, I guess that's all there is to it."_

"I won't let you do this."

"You will," Dean says. "Because you know what? This isn't about us. Never has been. We give whatever we've got to save this planet because it's the right thing to do."

"And what does Sam think, really?"

"Well, he's looking forward to getting rid of all that hell inside his skull. Shoot, I'm excited to get rid of those memories too."

"You won't remember Sam," Castiel knows it's a low blow, but if that's what it takes… he'll fight this tooth and nail.

"Sam-" Dean hesitates for a second. "The instinct'll be there. Sam and me, we're- We always find our way back to each other. We'll be okay."

Castiel inhales quickly, shaking his head.

"Dean, I'm asking you not to do this," he murmurs.

"You never listened to me before.

"Sorry," Dean says. "But I have to do this… Hey, you'll make sure… after, me and Sam—? I mean, we won't be up to taking care of ourselves, I don't think. I mean, don't drop everything to look after us. Just make sure we get somewhere safe, if you could do that for me."

Castiel turns back to Dean. He's going to cry. Of all things, he's breaking down and crying in front of Dean Winchester—

Dean pulls Cas to him, locking him in a bear hug.

"Hey, Cas, we'll be fine."

"What am I supposed to do, after you and Sam—?"

Dean lets go and takes a step back, shrugging. "Hell if I know. What, I give up my whole future and suddenly I gotta look after yours? Do something useful with yourself. I don't know what."

Castiel doesn't laugh and Dean's smile doesn't reach his eyes and the two of them just stand there, staring at each other. Because they don't want it to end.

* * *

He doesn't go with them. He waits until he can sense that it's over. And then he moves, flies, sees the pair of them sprawled on the ground of the junkyard.

Castiel crouches between them, sensing that they're both still alive.

Eyes closed, perfectly still, but alive.

He can feel how empty their minds are now. Sam and Dean are gone, and behind are two new human beings who look frighteningly like them. Only instead of housing knowledge and memories and feelings and a tangled story of two brothers who gave and gave until it broke them... They're empty. The memories, the essence of who the Winchesters are— It's all gone. They're shattered and the pieces have been burned and the Winchesters are gone.

Castiel takes them one by one. Sam first, the boy's huge frame cradled against his own. He explains something about a traumatic brain injury to the woman at the front desk of the asylum, then retrieves Dean and offers the same explanation.

The nurses tell him that they've got everything handled, that Castiel doesn't have to stick around. They tell him visiting hours and promise they'll look after the boys. Castiel shouldn't stick around; Dean begged him not to stay. But he can't help it. He needs to know they're okay.

He doesn't reveal himself. He watches them, invisible. Dean wakes first. He can't remember how to talk and Castiel realizes maybe that's gone for good. God only knows the details of the damage done to Dean's mind. Memories and personality are gone, but what else? One of the nurses starts to teach him sign language, and he starts to pick it up. He can hear just fine, he just doesn't speak. Yes or no questions are easy enough to answer. It takes awhile, but eventually he's able to communicate. The nurses are impressed, but Dean's still too unstable to release. Sometimes, he'll sign words for monsters and demons and other things that obviously aren't real. Castiel suspects that while Dean might not remember what he's been through, the scars are still there. And the mental ones manifest more often, sometimes in a bad nightmare, sometimes in Dean staring off into space and looking so much older than he actually is.

Sam speaks only in singular words. Sometimes strings of disconnected words, but never full sentences. His two favorite words are "angel" and "brother," usually said together like they're a single word. "Angelbrotherangelbrotherangelbrotherbrotherbrothe r." It's something between a request and a mantra.

When Sam points to Dean and says "brother," Castiel breaks down and cries because after all this, after everything... they get one small thing that's _good_. Something they deserve. And they're not okay, but they might be someday.

Sam tends to want to be by himself, though Dean is the exception (and wasn't he always?). Castiel watches them and suddenly Sam looks up, staring right at Castiel. He's focused. Castiel takes a step back, startled. They weren't supposed to be able to see him… Sam stares and Dean nudges him, signing a _What?_ Sam keeps staring at Castiel, then slowly lowers his eyes back to the book he was reading. Dean pokes him again, but Sam doesn't answer. The way he doesn't react outside of staring reassures Castiel. No screaming or calling for help. It's like he knows it's someone safe.

* * *

One of the nurses finishes giving the boys their meds (they share a room; Castiel requested this small thing and the nurses had complied) and Castiel met her at the door.

"You're back, Clarence," Meg says, greeting him with only the smallest of smiles. "Ever gonna actually going to talk to them while they're awake? Or just stand around and watch?"

"I—"

"Course not. I understand," Meg nods. "Too many memories."

Castiel shakes his head.

"You okay?"

"It's all so unfair," Castiel murmurs. "There are families out there, safe in their homes because of them. There are some people... living and telling each other stories of the Winchester brothers. A hundred, a thousand miles away from here. They will never forget those boys — while they can never remember … But once... it wasn't even that long ago... They were the most important boys— men— in the whole of creation."

"You miss them."

"Why are you still here? No one asked you to stay with them," Castiel says.

"No, but… Call it penance? Those boys made me human again. Got me a shiny new soul, so I figure this is... maybe a bit of redemption and repayment."

Castiel nodded slowly. "Thank you… And you'll look after them until I get back?"

"Please. You do that just fine on your own, Clarence. Those boys still have angels watching over them."

* * *

**A/N:** Quote shamelessly stolen (and rewritten a bit) from the Doctor Who episode "Journey's End."

And don't ask me where the human!Meg came from. It just happened.


End file.
